Dang it, Not Again!
by Nhoj Nozuy
Summary: Link is ripped off when he buys a crappy piece of land, he must go on a quest to find the evil seller and get a better deal. Wierd summary, hopefully funny story, realtor bashing ahead. R & R


Dang it, Not Again

Pt 1. Swindled

By Nhoj Nozuy

Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda, or any of it's characters, but I do own IHOP. Okay so I don't. Don't rub it in. Cold bastards.

It was an excellent day in Hyrule. The birds where singing, the bees where buzzing, and the lepers were in a pile of other lepers and feces- and they were fine with that, because it was Tuesday- and that meant free pancakes at IHOP.

Link was walking along a random dirt road when he sudden realized something, he was in one those fanfics again. Breaking off into a run, Link thought,

"They can't write about me if they can't catch me!"

But Link isn't that smart, now is he?

Realizing his situation was inevitable, he just decided to go with it, and continue walking.

As he was walking, he saw something glint in the corner of his eye. "What could it be?" he thought to himself.

"A coupon? Funnel-Cake? Maybe it's a Walrus with a Top-Hat!"

As he walked over, a strange man wearing a cheesy tuxedo jumped out of nowhere and started talking at a strangley quick speed, which I can't properly express in writing except if I were to read it to you. .

"Hey there sonny boy! Is this **your **lucky day!" said the man. He had greasy hair, which only meant one thing, a realtor.

"Sonny? Are you my dad? Daddy! Read me a story!" Link shouted running over to his "Daddy".

"Woah slow down queer, I ain't your pop." He said pushing Link away from his leg.

"Y-You mean you're not my daddy?" Link stuttered, tear forming at his eyes. (a/n Where else would they form? Oh you guys are SICK.)

"No, but I am a realtor." (See? I told you. Damn realtors.)

"A realtor? Yay! Do your magic realtor-man" Link shouted.

Ever since he was a child, Link always had a strange interest with realtors. Whether it was their shiny briefcases, or their glasses, or their enchanted magic stick of wonder and shoelaces, he was fascinated by them; Especially on Tuesday, the day of free pancakes at IHOP.

"You bet your sandals I'm a realtor." Shouted the strange man.

"You smell funny." Said Link innocently.

"That's my cologne, sonny. Anyways, I'm here to tell you about an amazing offer you can't refuse!" said the man waving his arms in the air.

"Why can't I refuse it?" asked Link.

"Because…uh…." The strange man paused for a moment "it's covered in..glitter?"

"Glitter! Boy howdy! I sure loves mah glitter." Said Link.

Along with realtors, Link loved his glitter. But he didn't like ferrets, seeing, his pet goldfish was killed by one. But nothing could get his high spirits down, because, today WAS Tuesday, and that means the lepers get to eat pancakes at IHOP.

"Well anyways, how would you like to own your very own portion of prime realty?" asked the funny smelling realtor man.

Link pondered for a moment, and finally responded "Yessir I would."

The man jumped with enthusiasm.

"Well it can be yours for a meger, 600 rupees!"

"Awe, why so much Mr. Realtor Man?" asked Link.

He was a skilled haggler and he was keen at his trade. He was eager to get a good deal, and he wasn't gonna settle for anything at 600 rupees.

"No. 345 rupees, and that's final." Said Link.

He was feeling confident, he wasn't gonna budge. Eeither 345, or this dirtbag could hit the road.

"Well, for you, 599 rupees!" said the man.

"You got yourself a deal! Schweet! I get my own piece of secksy land!" said Link.

As he pulled out his wallet, the strange realtor had a glint in his eye.

Link handed over the money with great gusto, down to the very last rupee. The strange man smiled as he received the money. You could tell he was planning something. Something, evil, something, only the evil realtor creature, can do.

"Thanks sonny boy, just sign here, and enjoy your new piece of land!" shouted the evil realtor.

Link signed the paper. He couldn't wait to get his very first piece of land. "Great," said Link. "Where is it?"

"You're standing on it!" said the man.

"This entire thing? Wow! I can't believe I own all of this!" said Link happily.

"That's because you don't! The only part YOU own is the part you're standing on!" said the realtor. He tried to run off but Link stopped him.

"Hey come back here you little prick, I have word to pick with you-" said Link, but he was cut off.

"Well, enjoy, bye!" and with that, the evil realtor ran away like a little dutch girl.

Link thought for a minute. He then realized something.

"By golly, I think…It's Tuesday, and that means….free pancakes at IHOP Holy Crap!" and with that he sped off to IHOP.

After 4 stacks of flap-jacks and a whole jar-thingy of syrup they have there, he got to thinking.

"I think…I just swindled by that realtor guy! I gotta go find that guy!"

And with that, Link's new journey unfolds.

To Be Continued.

Author's Notes.

I'm back biatch's, so review.


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